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Dreams are the children of our soul


My boobs grew bigger. (no i am not pregnant tyvm)…yay for 32D! 

Been trying to plan Vienna, finally it seems like it’s coming together.  Counting down to the days… Anyone want postcards can inbox me ur address.

"One day.."


I’ll get there. It might not be tomorrow or the next day but I will get there
-Jay Gatsby

Do i see the green light?

(via ch0c0latte)


Leo Tolstoy

i guess it’s good to have desires………hmm..


Leo Tolstoy

i guess it’s good to have desires………hmm..


(Source: ruinedchildhood, via death-by-lulz)

The best/worst/highest/lowest/biggest/smallest list

2 months of work experience under ma belt, here’s my list:

Lowest blood glucose: 0.06 mmol/L (pt overdosed on insulin intentionally, probably died.  If you want to kill yourself, this is the way to go. Wrist cutting is for attention.)

Biggest hydrocele: the size of a watermelon, hanging down to his knees.

Highest lactate: 10.0 (she died 8 hrs later, on my shift, alone.)

Darkest vomit: black, projectile

Highest blood alcohol level: 76 (i’m sure this will change)

Fastest pt to pull down pants: told him i will do a Foley, says “ok” and exposed penis.  

Highest white count: 30 (hmm this might change as well..)

Smallest anus: size of my pinky, on a baby

Lowest Na level: 108 (had a seizure right as we got the critical value from lab…sigh)

Fastest door-to-CT time: new neurologist from Alberta is efficient yo! 5 minutes and ready for CT. 

Largest foreign body in rectum: a lemon (not sure if this will change….are dildos bigger than lemons?)

(to be continued…)

Lessons of 2013


  1. The “love” you give to others is easily of the toxic infatuation variety if you don’t first love yourself.
  2. Challenge yourself with goals but don’t get obsessed with achievement for the sake of hoarding accomplishments.
  3. Be engaged and present.
  4. True strength of character is not compromised by…

Definitely trying to let go

Long time no update!

Today I had so much pain on the toilet from diarrhea, I sweated excessively, and felt dizzy for a good minute. My hands were tremoring and I was bradycardic.

All that friendship talk last night with people on my FB thread - some may be closer to me than others, I suspect - made me realize how far I’ve come in making humanly connections.

After being used by many, including who you consider to be your closest friends, and losing a friend through cancer, I have lost my strength to maintain friendships I cherish. I was blamed for over-playing my role, often times, so I must train myself to tone this down, against my instincts.

Not everyone is as giving as you expect in a friendship. Much like my weakness to lift my ass off my toilet as I feel my blood pressure drop, I feel weak in guarding beliefs I have no control over. I’ve always chosen to be active, take actions instead of just talking. I tried to maintain my friendship with others by continuing to share my life. In return, I’ve been disappointed too frequently. Especially when I notice the talkers, the actors, and the teary ones get more attention.

Disappointment sums up my feeling. Just this deep feeling of inability to change status quo with friends. I feel like if I’m drowning and the only one available to pull me up is my stuffed animals (because the bf is too far away and the paramedics are busy).

When did life come to this point?

Hold on tightly, let go lightly.

To thine own self be true

Dealing with the banality in people is a constant source of surprise, sadness and irony

Job offer accepted

So when North York General asked me to interview for an ER position, I asked to reschedule and was declined.  Well, I said no to the interview.  You don’t accommodate me, I don’t care about your offer.

Then London Health Sciences Center want me for ER part-time B position.  12 hours max a week? r u kidding me, how am i supposed to afford rent? So I said no.

Then on the day we said bye to Jess, I got the call from Trillium.  It’s an NGG position, and my interview time is in the afternoon, just the way I like it.  It also feels like Jess set it up for me, how can I decline.

Then I wrote my boards yesterday, and got another call from London, for a different position.  I don’t intend to interview there, so I said no.

Then I got a call after I got home, from Trillium.  I got the job, apparently I “impressed the panel”. (You mean, I remembered lactate for sepsis, and forgot blood cultures? haha..)

I accepted the offer.

No matter how tempting it is to say yes to the first job that waves at you, be generous and let it go, esp. if it isn’t right for you.  Even if it’s appealing, if it’s not right, let it go.  Same with people, let them go if necessary. Lesson and theme of the year I learned.

For when I am weak, then I am strong


(Source: s-gellar, via death-by-lulz)

Interview summary

was told out of 500 applicants i was lucky enough to be given an interview.

wow, felt like a mini-med school application..

could’ve done better explaining a fucking heart attack FUCK.

could’ve said BLOOD CULTURES for sepsis omg even after being prompted..

ahh well, first interview, doesn’t matter. :)